I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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