I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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