I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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