he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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