Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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