I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize