That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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