well you can't waste a boner
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize