so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
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My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize