this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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