I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize