I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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