Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
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Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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