she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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It was like getting head from an anaconda
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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