i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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