I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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