i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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