Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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