I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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