I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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