gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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