it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You are a genius and a whore.
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