I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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