I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize