Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Four minutes until I can fart!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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