yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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