No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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