you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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