My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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