so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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