So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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