i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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