Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
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The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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