don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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