im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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