This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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