I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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