I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize