so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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