I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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