i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You took a bar mat shot.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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