I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
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yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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