you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize