a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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