all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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