Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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