she woke up with a sticky ear
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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