Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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