Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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