He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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