it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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